Coming soon, to a commonwealth near you.
It is June 4, 2011 at Virginia's Governor's Mansion. The host, Governor Bob McDonnell, never forgot his friends and neighbors, even though he now lived in a large butter-yellow federal style mansion. On a sunny Saturday afternoon, the friends of Governor McDonnell came to do him honor.
A small group of men had formed outside the office of Governor McDonnell, waiting to speak to him on the day of his daughter's wedding. Tucker Martin, the Bobfather's chief assistant stood at the door.
TUCKER MARTINHe's not on the list, but Ken Cuccinelli wants to see you.
The Bobfather seems displeased.
BOB MCDONNELLIs it necessary?
TUCKER MARTINYou understand better than I do, but he was very grateful that you invited him to the wedding.
The Bobfather nodded and motioned for Ken Cuccinelli to be brought to him. Cuccinelli enters.
KEN CUCCINELLIThank you Bobfather for seeing me on this the day of your daughter's wedding.
BOB MCDONNELLThank you Ken.
KEN CUCCINELLIOn this day of your daughter's wedding allow me to wish that your first grandchild should be a masculine child.
BOB MCDONNELLThank you Ken . . .
KEN CUCCINELLIAnd further, let me wish that if your daughter suffers complications during her pregnancy that endangers her health, then you will let her die, rather than let her exercise her constitutionally guaranteed right to choose.
BOB MCDONNELLUmmm, okay. Thanks Ken.
Ken Cuccinelli is hustled out of the room. McDonnell motions to Tucker Martin.
BOB MCDONNELLWho's next?
TUCKER MARTINJonnie Williams, Sr.
BOB MCDONNELLShow him in.
A nervous, shifty-eyed man enters.
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.Thank you for seeing me, Bobfather.
BOB MCDONNELLThis is the day of my daughter's wedding; you know I cannot refuse.
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.Bobfather, I need your help.
BOB MCDONNELLWhat is it?
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.Bobfather, I have all my money invested in a food supplement made from tobacco, a commodity most people associate with cancer.
BOB MCDONNELLThis is not my problem.
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.Please, Bobfather, help me. Be my friend.
Williams begins sobbing. Bob McDonnell steps forward and slaps Jonnie Williams, Sr. across the face.
BOB MCDONNELLBe a man!
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.Please Bobfather, without you I am lost!
BOB MCDONNELLDid you bring your checkbook?
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.(sobs)
BOB MCDONNELLThen make out a check for $15,000. Put "catering" in the memo space.
JONNIE WILLIAMS, SR.Yes Bobfather.
BOB MCDONNELLNow get out of here!