Friday, July 16, 2010

It's official: Mark Williams is the worst spokesman in history

The worst spokesman ever. That distinction used to belong to Baghdad Bob, but Mark Williams--spokesman for the Tea Party Express--has wrested the title of worst spokesman ever away from Saddam Hussein's hapless information minister. How did Williams earn this "distinction"?

Let's say you are the spokesman for an organization that has been accused of racism in the past and has tried to clean up its image. Let's say that an important African American organization--the NAACP--accuses your organization of containing racists. Now, if you're Mark Williams, your first instinct is to deny the charge. Unfortunately, if you are Mark Williams, your second impulse is to send out a spittle-flecked racist screed:
Dear Mr. Lincoln

We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.

The tea party position to "end the bailouts" for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.

And the ridiculous idea of "reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government." What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!

The racist tea parties also demand that the government "stop the out of control spending." Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.

Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government "stop raising our taxes." That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?

Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.


Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored Person
Wow. The Tea Party Express has about 24 hours to fire this guy and disassociate itself, or it can pretty much forget ever shaking its label as a racist organization.


James Young said...

"spittle-flecked racist screed"

If you were as sensitive to "spittle-flecked socialist screeds" from DailyKos and Huffington Post, you'd spend more of your time attacking them for being socialists.

Of course, you'd much rather spend your time attacking a fringe minority of Tea Partiers than the mainstream of the modern Democrat Party.

J.C. Wilmore said...

Don't change the subject James (why do conservatives always try to change the subject?) The subject is not socialism; it's racism.

If the racists are just the "fringe" of the Tea Party, then why not expel them? Why give them leadership roles? Why make racists spokesmen for your organization if you don't want to be perceived of as racist?